There should be a law against having wall shaking, bed breaking, floor thudding, window rattling sex, in particular if you live in the above apartment of someone who isn’t getting any, is on a sex restricted diet with ‘cheat days’ or hasn’t gotten any in a while. Surely, it is just good neighborliness, it just makes sense, the same way you wouldn’t eat your KFC bucket meal with extra large fries and 2 extra sides in front of starving kids at a Refugee Camp in Somalia. Morals don’t just permit it.
Okay, bad analogy using the starving orphans of Somalia because I am not starving. Starving would mean that I am hungry yet no food is available, which is wrong as this ‘food’ can be made available, yet I’m choosing not to eat it lol. Maybe I’m becoming Sexnorexic but seriously, it’s been exactly 3 weeks since I last got laid (3 weeks being the last time I had a cheat day but if we wanna talk on a real, I’ll be bringing the celibacy count to a hefty 9 months. As a matter of fact, let’s use 9 months for the purposes of my frustration and this post lol). When I vowed to go on a sex diet back in January, it was hard, the first 4 months were hell, mainly because I was single and had a certain auora that was probably repulsive to men. Honestly, dates were slow. I started telling myself that this time would be good for self reflection blah blah. The gym became my outlet and anything remotely relating to sex was not my portion in Jesus’ Name, I was rejecting it. Total abomination to my life. The 5 months that followed those of celibacy have been
completely erotic free, meaning no sex, no alternatives to sex, no plans to get laid and thinking very little of sex lol, of course, this is in exception of my ‘cheat days/weeks’ where the above does not apply. It’s kinda like being on a diet, the first 3 weeks are hard (apparently, it takes that long for your pallet to change) then you get used to the diet and it becomes second nature. You then start to wonder how a few weeks back you could possibly eat a few cakes 3x a day then wake up in the middle of the night for a banana or two for hunger control.
So having successfully kept my apartment a semi-sexfree zone for 9 months, you can imagine my frustration of having to endure night after night of Oh Johnny, Oh Johnny, ha ha ha, Oh Johnny, Johnny, ha ha ha, Johnny, ha ha ha Oh Johnny, Oh Oh Ooooh……..Seriously, how many times can one say Oh Johnny in a minute followed by laughter then thuds, rattling, more ha ha ha’s, a few Johnny’s, a couple of Oh’s, more rattling and ha ha ha’s, a very high pitched Johnny then comes my favorite part of the evening…….Silence! Total silence. 9 months is a very long time in the land of sex so maybe I’m a tad out of touch but since when has sex become so funny, that one has to say an average of 20 ha ha ha’s in one minute? I know for a fact that Johnny upstairs is not Chris Rock or Kevin Hart, he is an Electrician by trade so naturally, my curiosity got the best of me. I need to know the cause/source of those ha ha ha’s so anyone on here with a hyperactive imagination to break it down for me? LOL.
So when was the last time you had noisy, bed breaking, window rattling, wall shaking, floor thudding, mind-blowing sex? (Please, no answers on postcards lol, keep your answers to yourselves). But seriously though, whoever told you people that making more noise or making the apartment building experience a mini earthquake means you are enjoying the sex a whole lot? Once upon a time, in an era long gone, the most I could manage were broken down syllable words – anything more comprehensible meant that I wasn’t yet blown away. I didn’t laugh during either LOL. I’m not hating on my horny neighbors upstairs or cursing at the building company for making low quality apartments with paperthin walls……all I’m saying is it’s September, almost Christmas time and Santa, for Christmas I would like one giant pair of ear muffs, or even better, send me a fairy godmother to wave her magic wand so that just for one day, there is no mind-blowing, window rattling, floor thudding, mini earthquake, bed breaking sex in this city.