The Circus Show

cute-clown-cartoon-vector-1161900

He ran the circus! The Joker! He should have won an Oscar because his performance was immaculate! He had been spectacular, unbelievable, so out of this world! He deserved to get a Hollywood Star. He was a performer, a comedian, a joker!

But one of his jokes….

Subtle..

The witty kind, you know, complicated humour. The type that nearly crossed the line between sarcasm and cruel humour. They all laughed! The audience, the spectators, the crowd – they  laughed, big belly fulls of laughter!  Some sniggered, some hooted, some even danced with glee, but mainly everyone laughed at the spectacle in the Circus Ring. Everyone laughed except me. I was oblivious, I did not get it. I’m normally the witty, comic type but this time the joke was lost on me.

But everyone else got the joke….

So they laughed and they hooted and cried with joy all through the show.

It was a freak show! They all laughed at the helpless clown tied up in knots it could not loosen. The Joker! Damn, he was excellent at his show for they all got the punchline! Yet I didn’t! I failed to grasp it.

Months later when the Circus had left town, when the freak show had been over…..

Long after the laughter had all died down, long after the sniggers had faded and the Joker’s Show was only remembered as a ‘Hit from the Past’, when it had all become a distant memory….

It suddenly dawned on me,

Like a bright light shining on me, I got it, the joke!!

I understood it! After all this time I finally got the punchline. It had been so simple! I could see the Circus Ring more clearly. I could even name the cast and I completely got what the joke had been about.

BUT

While they had laughed, the audience, the spectators, the observers at the Circus Ring. While they giggled and snickered big belly fulls of laughter as they watched the joke unfold…

I didn’t…

And when I eventually got the joke months later,

I  never laughed, I cried! In fact, I sobbed! Big belly full guttural cries.

I cried because I knew then, what I had failed to see back in the Circus Ring had been our life together, our relationship – The Circus! And you had been the Joker and I the Clown….

I realise now that I had been too blind to grasp, for all that time, all that while…

From your very first act to the final curtain call…

The joke was me

The joke had been on me.
 
This post was inspired by MaKupsy’s post Would you take back your Ex? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Of Cheating Husbands and Friendships..

image

So my life lately has been very hectic, loads of shocking, interesting, jaw dropping, emotional, sexy stuff to write about but I live in great fear of mama ever finding out about this blog (in which case this blog would need to come down at the speed of light). Anyway, about my last relationship, this son of a bitch my ex-boyfriend cheated on me so much, most I never discovered until we were already broken up! I was so naive thinking I was wifey material and he’d marry me one day but obviously my mugu self was so blinded by love, I didn’t see him sticking his D in every female he came across. I really hope his dick falls off……….OK that is mean, the man needs his dick lol so I’ll rephrase and say I hope it almost falls off. That’s actually better and makes me look less of an evil person lol. I am not angry or bitter, I promise……..as a matter of fact, why am I still talking about him? I don’t necessarily like to reminisce about some of my biggest mistakes so let’s move on to other issues.

 

On today’s post……my very good friend and gossip partner phoned and told me that our mutual friend’s husband was cheating on her. The infidel!!!!! Hehe! I’ve always wanted to use that word in a non-terrorist phrase lol! Anyway, the infidel is banging their neighbour! Wonders shall never cease, I mean it’s so cliché. You should see this neighbour too, innocent looking woman who sings in her church choir and is always running errands for the church. It was just so unbelievable to hear! I mean her, the lady! Married and with kids too! The devil really has been working without rest! Anyway, my gossip partner and I are gisting when I ask if our mutual friend knows and she replies NO! Arrrrrrrrrghhhhh!!! See the panic that attacked my heart! I was like so why are you telling me!!? I have now entered the “she knew my husband was cheating on me and didn’t tell me” camp! I wasn’t liking this at all, I really wished I had been the last person in the world to know cause it really put me in a position I’d rather not have been in! My gossip partner and I  both decided that I didn’t know anything about this situation and threatened to drown her in acid if she ever mentioned my name.

 

Why am I choosing to distance myself from this drama? Well, here are a few reasons:

Husband has cheated before. She found out. She still stayed. She stopped speaking to the people who had informed her of this gist……and I don’t wanna end up like them, a statistic in friendships that ended badly lol.

He is always working late, having drinks with friends, family meetings……the list goes on and on but when it comes to her all of a sudden he is too tired, too busy.

He is always insulting her, even in my presence and that of other friends. She still stays. He calls her ignorant names like fat and girlfriend gets upset. He knows it upsets her but he still does it. Girlfriend isn’t even fat but does she stand up for herself? Hell NO. It pisses me off. Makes me wanna get violent with sharp objects.

This is just skimming the surface. Believe me, I can go on all day.

 

Girlfriend calls this morning and says she’s feeling sad. She complains about her husband and I listen cause that’s all I can do. I don’t want to give her the wrong advice but at the same time I feel like I should say something. I don’t know anything about marriage. I know nothing about what happens after the dancing at the reception and eating all the festive food. I have no clue on sharing a bed with a man for the rest of my life. I’m really in no position to judge so I won’t……..but I’ve had boyfriends even just men after me who have treated me better than girlfriend’s husband does to her. I just want to ask, is it all worth it staying in such a situation? Why? Why do people have such disregard for the feelings of others? Why is the world so full of cold, inconsiderate people who do nothing but steal joy, crush hearts and steal spirits? My heart breaks! Marriage is meant to be the reward of successful dating, not a slow death to one’s worth and esteem.

 

What do you guys think? Should I say something? What about you, how would you deal with my current dilemma? Help a sister out!

 

I’m blogging on my phone and it’s tiring!

 

Arghhhh…….here comes the mail guy. God, he is so hot! I’d love to tap that ass…….grrrrrrr! Maybe he should tap mine instead! Enjoy whatever you’re doing peeps! To my new followers, this update is for you……xxx

How To Date A Married Man….And Other Bad Advice!

 If you must sleep with a married man……..then make it worth your while!

This is probably a very controversial topic and I know a lot of you will come at me with sticks, stones, cutlery etc but still, I’ve got to talk about it. You know what they say about the freedom of speech and expression lol.  Anyway, I am not endorsing sleeping with married men, of course not (but then again, I’m a supporter of whatever floats your boat but in this case, let me not mention that lol)…..anyway, the reality is that a lot of ladies out there are sleeping with married men, either knowingly or without knowledge and for those sleeping with married men, what’s the reason if not for personal gain?

 

OK, let me give a bit of background here…..I have never dated a married man before, even though I’ve been a side chick lol, don’t know if that counts…..but I have had friends date married men and me being the trustworthy friend that I am, was entrusted to keep these dirty little secrets. I was so good at keeping these secrets such that I was occasionally rewarded in sharing in the benefits of sleeping with these married men. I mean some of my best fine dining experiences were through these incidents – and no, I don’t just mean eating out at restaurants, I’m talking private dining at Gordon Ramsay’s London restaurant but really, that’s a story for another day. I have also witnessed first hand how my friends…..or rather friend went from being an average ZARA/Forever 21 girl to wearing Versace, Gucci etc. As a matter of fact, I witnessed my first ever Louboutin in the flesh on this girl’s feet! No lie, at that time, I had a slight headache just trying to comprehend the price!!

 

Okay, back on topic…….so why am I writing on this? A few days ago, a friend confided in me that one of the top managers in her workplace was interested in her. She then said, Oh Felly, he’s so good looking and I’m so into him and I’m considering giving in. At this point, I honestly thought the man in question was as single as my friend was so had to ask where the hesitation was coming from……..she then said, OH, he is married! After recovering from the shock and picking my jaw from the floor, I had to ask if she had lost her mind to even consider a married man’s advances but she went into this long story of how she was just fed up of single guys and their games and how it amounted to sleeping with them all for nothing; which hurt even more when a single man messed you around as you would have had hopes, dreams etc of a future with him. However, she conveniently forgot that there are far higher chances of having something meaningful with a single man than with somebody else’s husband!

 

You judgmental people are probably wondering why I am still friends with a potential homewrecker but this is the thing about friendship, you can’t just abandon it because one has decided to give into the advances of a married man, nah, that would be stupid! Personally, I’m the kind of friend who is unbothered by what you do, so long you remain loyal to me as your friend, have my back and adhere to the rules set out by the friendship manual; therefore my inability to deter my friend to abandon her missions literally had no implications on the future of our friendship. I still had to ask my friend though what was in it for her and if he was gonna help her start up her business etc and she was like, NO, I don’t intend on asking him for favours lest he thinks that I’m a prostitute! HELLO!!!!!!!!! Should you give a damn what he thinks? And for him to be married, probably happily too and to still make advances at you means that he’s willing to pay his way through, so why would you let him get away with free cookies? (Disclaimer: This is my very unpopular opinion and in case mhamha is lurking on WordPress and gets to read this, this particular post would need to come down at the speed of light…….also, I am not encouraging prostitution, it was just a thought, like a very, very random thought lol). My friend also stated that she wasn’t in it for the financial gain, however the attention and company whilst still maintaining her money, independence, time and freedom without the married man making a claim on them. Honestly, I’m vexed, I just don’t know!

 

In my own opinion, it makes no difference at all, if a woman decides to sleep with a married man then she must be gaining something preferably material from him because there can never be emotional gain. I mean why let the man win both ways? If he wants a mistress then let him pay for her. It makes you no prostitute as long as you’re not putting out many men at the same time in exchange for personal gain, although perhaps there could be some self-esteem, worth issues sleeping with a married man in the first instance. But really ladies, put a price on it if you decide not to hoard your goods.

 

Another Disclaimer: I still don’t endorse sleeping with married men. Single men can be a lot to handle but at least you’re guaranteed what you really need if you happen to find the right fish for you. Dating is hard……but the proof is in those who successfully do it to end up with the love of their lives. Wouldn’t that be nice.

Happy Saturday my blog readers (yes, you 3 people who read my blog, I greatly appreciate you 🙂